New York calls itself the “media capital of the world” for good reason: countless newspapers, magazines, television networks, film studios, and communications companies are based in the Big Apple. Many popular American television shows are taped in the city, and several are broadcast live—often with the city’s pedestrians passing by in the background.

Here are three of our favorite ways to be part of a TV show, times to show up, and ways to get on camera.  The best part? Most of it is free.

1) The Late Show with David Letterman
Where: Ed Sullivan Theater (1697 Broadway, at 53rd Street)
When: Weekdays

Home to the “Ed Sullivan Show” from 1948-1971, the theater now hosts David Letterman’s popular late night talk show, broadcast on CBS at 11:30 PM.

Tickets in person: Tickets are free and may be requested by visiting the theater and submitting a written request for shows up to one month in advance. Audience members will be contacted by phone if their request is accepted. The ticket office is open weekdays from 9:30 AM to 12:30 PM, and 10 AM to 6 PM on Saturdays and Sundays. 

Tickets in advance: To secure tickets in advance without visiting the theater, use the show’s online ticket lottery. Fill out a form and, hopefully, you will be contacted by phone and asked a trivia question before you’re granted your free tickets. Note: They are serious about this. When we were called, they asked us for the name of the owner of the “Hello Deli”. Luckily, we knew it was “Rupert.” A friend wasn’t as lucky and was turned down. Know your Letterman!

Same-day tickets: A limited number of same-day standby tickets are available on the day of taping by calling (212) 247-6497 starting at 11 AM. This phone number is only “active” when tickets are available. Seats for standby tickets usually are in the back of the theater, but hey, it’s a great last-minute way to see the show. Visit the show’s website for more information about obtaining free tickets.

Tip: Assistants from the show scope out the crowd before taping. They hone in on bubbly, smiley types who are “camera ready.” We suggest chatting up these assistants. In the best case, you will be ushered down to the first two rows. Score.

2) Total Request Live (”TRL”)
Where: MTV Studios - 1515 Broadway at Times Square
When: Mondays through Thursday at 3:30 PM

MTV, the music television behemoth, broadcasts this hour-long musical show from its headquarters overlooking Times Square four days a week. The show is a medley of music videos, celebrity interviews, and live performances, taking place inside the studio and sometimes on the street. Tourists can watch the show taping from the sidewalk (and get in everyone’s way) or get plucked from the crowd to be a part of the in-studio audience.

Advance tickets: You may email MTV to request a “chance for studio audience tickets.” Check out this page for details. According to MTV, audience members must be between the ages of 16-24 or at least look like they are.

Same-day tickets: We know (on younger brother authority) that if you want to land a same-day spot in the studio audience, you’d better get in line early and “look the part.” Meaning? Get there before 2 PM (the show airs at 3:30 PM) and wear your best retro sweatshirt. A few dozen stand-outs will get ushered upstairs for the live studio show.

Otherwise, you can watch the show tape from below and be seen, if only as a tiny speck, within the larger crowd and street shots.

3) NBC Studios
Rockefeller Center -30 Rockefeller Plaza, between 49th and 50th Streets
When: Daily and Nightly

This is the mother load. “30 Rock,” as it’s often called, houses the NBC television network’s studios and corporate headquarters. Shows produced there include Saturday Night Live, The Today Show, NBC Nightly News, Late Night with Conan O’Brien and more.

A studio tour ($18.50) takes you behind the scenes in many of the network’s studios, although it doesn’t get you tickets to any of the shows. (You might, however, see some stars walking through the hallway or in rehearsal, like on Saturday when SNL cast members are hard at work. We got to see Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon and Sean Hayes, when we swept through last time.)

Tickets to NBC shows taped in the building are offered in advance by email or telephone. Each show has its own ticketing policy and details are offered on this page of the NBC website. The Today Show broadcasts live from its windowed street-level studios at Rockefeller Center every morning from 7 AM to 10 AM, with its hosts taking frequent trips into the noisy crowd. Bring a smile—and scream.

photograph courtesy of Josh Clark on FlickrParis Runners

Visiting Paris as a tourist usually means long days of hiking across town, climbing steps, and carrying a backpack. With so much physical activity, you can just forget about the need to hit the gym, right? 

Well, for us it also means days that begin with a butter croissant (268 calories) and end with a creme caramel (759 calories). In between the two — well, let’s not go there. After about a week, no matter how much you’re walking, one can start feeling the pastries.

What’s a Cheapo to do? We’ve tried a number of strategies, but they usually amount to very little (read: Semi-distracted push-ups on the hotel room floor while watching CNN International). There must be a better way to stay in shape, raise your pulse, and sweat off some of those delicious sauces.

Here are five cheapo ways to stay in shape in Paris:

1) Run

It sounds obvious, but if you’re a runner, pack your running shoes when you’re visiting Paris. If your hotel is located anywhere near the Seine, a morning or evening run along the river is a must. 

Every Sunday, the city’s “Paris Respire” (Paris Breathes) program closes traffic along the banks of the Seine to automobiles from 9 AM to 5 PM, offering the perfect spot for running, walking, or cycling.

2) Bike

The city-run Vélib’ public bike program allows short-term subscriptions (one-week passes: €5, one-day passes: €1). More than 10,000 cute bikes are available at 750 kiosks around town for 30-minute free rentals. Sign up, grab a cycle, and head for one of the many bike lanes. If you want a better workout, stay on the bike for an hour and you’ll only be charged €1. (more pricing info)

If you’re up for a Friday night adventure, join the “Paris Rando Vélo” group for a free group ride through the streets of Paris. The cycling group meets at the Hotel de Ville at 9:30 PM every Friday night, and on the third Sunday morning of the month at 10:30 AM. 

3) Rollerblade

Every Friday night, 12,000-15,000 rollerbladers hit the streets of Paris for a 3-hour speed skate through the city, escorted by the police department. The weekly event is not intended for beginners, as the massive group rolls over all manner of road surface, including cobblestones (yikes).

A more relaxed skating tour, the “Roller Rally“ leaves every Sunday afternoon from the Place de la Bastille at 2 PM. Rollerblade rentals are available at Roulez Champions, 5 rue Humblot (Arr 15), Metro: Dupleix (01 40 58 12 22).

4) Take an aerobics or yoga class

The American Church in Paris offers daily one-hour aerobics classes open to the public featuring a different focus every night. Classes are €10 each or €72 for 8 sessions. More information is available here.

Yoga classes are held all over Paris on every day of the week. Check out the extensive list of yoga classes on the AngloInfo website.

5) Go to the gym

The gym craze is just beginning to hit Paris (we’ve heard that several gyms are even getting rid of their smoking sections…). While most chains require expensive memberships that are not practical for most travelers, certain gyms do allow single admissions. Among them:

The Body Gym, 157, rue du Faubourg Saint-Antoine near the Bastille. (€16 single entrance).

Club Quartier Latin, 19 rue de Pontoise in the Latin Quarter (€19 single entrance). 

Find more gyms, classes, and fitness ideas on the Paris Fitness website.

If you’re the kind of Cheapo who prefers a rollicking “hostel environment” to a quiet mom-and-pop hotel, you should consider a Busabout bus tour of Europe, if you’re traveling during the summer months.

What is it?

Busabout operates a “hop on hop off” bus line that shuttles young and indie travelers along “loops” of major European cities. You purchase a loop pass (for $639) and are bused about from one city to the next — usually about 12 cities per loop.

You can get off at any of these cities and stay as long as you like, and then hop on the next bus that passes through town. (A bus passes through all 30 cities every other day from May 4 through October 30.) You can book each of these stops in advance through their website to ensure that you’ll have a seat on the bus.

For example:

The “Western Loop” takes you along the following path: Paris - Bern - Nice - Avignon - Barcelona - Valencia - Madrid - San Sebastian - Bordeaux - Tours, and back to Paris.

The “Northern Loop” hits Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, and Munich (among other cities).

The “Southern Loop” buses from Munich, through the Alps to Venice, Rome, Florence, Nice and more.

How much does it cost?

A Busabout single loop costs $639, and allows you to travel at your own pace from one city to the next. The more loops you buy, the cheaper the pass becomes. Two loops costs $1069, while three will set you back $1319. (We can’t quite imagine what state we’d be in after three loops, but maybe that’s just us.)

Another option is the “Flexipass” that allows riders to ride between destinations already covered by any loop. The pass costs $549 and each “hop” costs $59.

Who is it for?

Busabout really pushes the “backpacker angle” on their website, reaching out to young, student, and independent travelers looking to have a good time and meet like-minded travelers. This, of course, is not everyone. But the “big blue buses,” as they refer to them, are ideal for meeting others for exploring (and partying) in the next city on the loop.

Single travelers, the company notes on their site, are especially welcome, and “Many people start traveling on their own on Busabout and very soon have a group of friends to travel with.”

First-time travelers to Europe, in particular, may appreciate the loop structure, as being bused from one big city to the next without any choice over destination certainly “simplifies” the planning process!  

Who is it not for?

Truly independent travelers who just want to get from point A to point B would not want to mess with Busabout, its fun philosophy, or its loopy schedules. If you simply want to get from one city to the next, you’d be better off taking a national bus line or booking a seat on the Eurolines bus service.

Eurolines, in fact, offers its own bus passes, providing unlimited trips over the course of a 15 or 30 day period.

Rates are generally cheaper than Busabout and vary depending on age and travel season. A 30-day unlimited adult pass during the summer costs €439 ($649 US) and doesn’t force you to follow a pre-determined loop.

But then again, on Eurolines, your chances for finding the right party are greatly diminished.

Maybe it’s Van Gogh’s trippy sunflowers or that wacky, tacky Red Light District. But there’s something about Amsterdam’s love of the unusual that pops up in its hotel offerings. We’ve weeded out the ho-hum hotel experiences to bring you a few of our favorite joints (so many puns, so little space!):

Hotel de Filosoof
What: Three-star hotel near the Vondelpark
Doubles: From € 80
Theme: Enlightenment

Each room here is dedicated to a philosopher. You could stay in “Clouds” and pay homage to Aristophanes and Socrates, drifting to sleep in a bed with a blue, velveteen comforter. Or, opt for Confucius, which lifts up the ideals of Taoism and showcases an array of strong, ancient-looking (intentionally) purple décor. Neitche’s room just plain scared us. (Not surprising, considering the whole “God is dead” thing. Sweet dreams!) Thankfully, the hotel has 38 rooms to choose from, a spacious outdoor garden, and an art gallery.

Hemp Hotel 
What: One-star hotel in the southern canal ring
Doubles: € 65 - 70
Theme: Baked not fried

Proclaiming itself “a unique specialty hotel for the hemp-aware traveler,” the Hemp Hotel is on our top ten list of favorite hotel visits (for purely professional reasons, natch). We were awed and amused by the various hemp-themed rooms decorated with eclectic furniture and a host of hemp-a-riffic accoutrements: hemp curtains, towels and plants.  The hotel is owned by a prominent marijuana activist and inventor of the Pollinator, a device that extracts hash from hemp leaves. With a coffee shop downstairs, the Hemp is a bit of a time vortex and many guests remain on for long, strange trips. (One guest, in fact, never left — and became one of the hotel’s managers!)

Winston Hotel
What: Two-star hotel in the Red Light District
Doubles: € 60-105
Theme: Artist madhouse

After spending a couple nights at the Winston, we labeled it ”The Winston Museum of Contemporary Art,” as each room was designed by a different artist. Décors range from simple opaque canvases to large-format paintings that resemble Spirograph creations. Many rooms also have their own distinct genres. For instance, the Heineken room enjoys a green, bottled-up effect (Note: See also Smirnoff Button room.).  Maria’s Room is furnished entirely in white, producing an immaculate, yet oddly Clockwork Orange feel. We bunked in a dominatrix-themed space. And liked it.  

The Greenhouse Effect
What: Two-star hotel in the Red Light District
Doubles: € 95-130
Theme: Out of this world

At this diamond in the snuff (it’s situated in the heart of the red-light district), themed rooms run the gamut from the plain and proper (”City Oasis” suite) to the downright surreal (”Turkish Delight” and ”1001 Arabian Nights”).  A trance-inducing club downstairs features live music each weekend and looks sure to provide oodles of Kerouac-ky observations for postcards and personal diaries.

Lloyd Hotel
What: One-star to five-star hotel in the Eastern Docklands
Doubles: From €90 (see Website for special offers)
Theme: Pick a star (rating)

Offering its guests a range of rooms from a one-star to a five-star rating, the Lloyd really knows how to shake up hotel classification systems! This sophisticated and chic hotel, located in a fashionable area, displays architectural majesty—1920’s art deco mixed with modern flair, and lets you pick a room, any room, via various star ratings. However all rooms provide the same amenities (free WiFi and satellite television) and all guests (even the Cheapos) enjoy the same 24-hour service. Furthermore, all have access to the fancy “Cultural Embassy,” a space that serves as an art gallery, entertainment space, and lounge.

A 1-star room offers less space and shared bathrooms, while a 3-star, for example, has noteworthy 1920s furniture designed by De Bazel. We’d likely opt for a 2-star, deemed “surprising” by the hotel on its Website, as you get your own bathroom with “plenty of room to take a shower” (insert joke here), and some even provide water views. On a search we did for February, we found double rooms from €90 (one star) to €210 (five stars). What a range!

We’d say all of these hotels are worth the trip.

Did we miss a themed hotel in Amsterdam that you know about or would recommend? Tell us below!

Most Cheapos we know have at some point faced a budget travel rite of passage: sleeping in an airport. This is commonly due to a canceled flight or a super-early flight, although the occasional ”super-Cheapo” chooses a night at the airport over a hotel on the last night to save some cash before returning home (completely respectable!).

While airport overnights can begin rather interestingly (Who knew there was so much activity at the Relay newsstand at 1:35 am? Where’s my journal?), usually sometime around the second americano, fourth Guiness, or third attempt at reading that old Corriere della Sera it becomes necessary to find a place to curl up for some real shut-eye.

This is when SleepingInAirports.net comes in handy.

About The Site

SleepingInAirports provides listings of the best and worst airports for sleeping overnight world-wide. Site members post reviews of airports and upload photos of their own nocturnal experience (such as the image above of London’s Stansted Airport).

The site also provides practical summaries of what to expect if you’re thinking of pulling an overnighter.

For example, SleepingInAirports has the following assessment of Stansted’s sleeping conditions: The airport has limited seating, is cold and crowded, requires getting there early, and provides uncomfy benches and too frequent announcements. (Ahhhh, good times!) Well, at least that Ryanair ticket only cost four euros…

Why We Like It

There are more than 5,000 user reviews on SleepingInAirports.net, making it a surprisingly thorough resource covering not only the best (Helsinki and Amsterdam) and worst (Paris Charles de Gaulle) airports in Europe, but many less-famous airports as well. The site has been around since 1996 and sports a no-nonsense design to reinforce its authenticity.

We love the war stories from travelers and the helpful tips posted for the first-time overnight airport sleeper. For example, one traveler advises, ”Act innocent… do not act like a professional sleeper.” (”Professional sleeper” has just enterred our travel lexicon.)

Finally (and perhaps most impressively), the site has also been mentioned on “Hollywood Squares,” giving it instant street cred as far as we’re concerned.

photograph courtesy of Tour Magazine

We were psyched to get a reminder from Gridskipper that the Parisian city-wide “soldes” sales event will be in effect January 9-20. A government regulated program, Paris slashes prices (anywhere from 30-50 percent off) on clothing and the like twice a year, once in January (”soldes d’hiver”) and again during the summer months (”soldes d’été”). From big retailers like Galeries Lafayette to smaller boutique chains like Agatha, you can expect to get your mitts on some haute stuff for cooler prices.

But, for cheapos out there, here’s the best news of all:

Because the annual retail sales are such a big tourism draw, the Chamber of Commerce along with the Tourist Office of Paris and a few other government orgs join forces each year to present, “Soldes By Paris,” an event involving some 1,500 retailers, 500 hotels and restaurants and a whole lot more.

For about two weeks, participating hotels drop their rates, while restaurants and museums offer special promotions. This year, the SNCF—French National Railway—and other transportation authorities will offer discounts too.

To learn more, visit the official “Soldes By Paris” site.

An interactive map allows you to search for discounts and events by personality type (romantic, chic, trendy, creative or original). Unsure just where you fall in? Take the quiz. This resident cheapo scored a hefty “romantic” score that deemed her Amélie-like (“You can’t do without these chance meetings that are so Parisian and charming.” How did they know?) and suggested we visit Monoprix for our big shopping (hey, we’re solde on any store that sells both skirts and steaks!).

Among other recommendations the site gave for Audrey Tautou artists:

For hotels: 48 participating hotels and guesthouses will offer discounts to tourists in the “romance circuit.”

For art: The contemporary Galerie Hebert on the Rue du Pont Louis Philippe in the Marais.

Going out: The site dishes up kick-off events, including free or reduced prices at cinemas and parties at bars like L’Irlandais.

Alas, with Roman hotel rates higher than ever and the dollar at depressing lows against the euro, it can be difficult to find any budgetary relief for tourists in Italy’s capital city. Or is it?

This morning we were doing a little research on the value of “all-in-one” tourist passes in Rome, when we realized that quite a few sights in Rome are actually free to visit… or at least free to gaze at from outside. After all, most of them are located outside and are just part of the Eternal City’s street scene.

Some of our favorite Roman freebies:

St. Peter’s Basilica - Visiting the seat of the Catholic Church is free, and the Pilgrim Tourist Information Center, located along the colonnade on your way into the basilica, offers free brochures and information. Note that if you show up in the summertime wearing shorts, you may have to buy paper pants from eager vendors in order to enter the religious site.

Spanish Steps - Nobody will charge you to waltz your way down (or up) the famous outdoor staircase, nap in the afternoon sunshine, or pose for that postcard shot.

Trevi Fountain - The city’s most famous fountain is overflowing with visitors night and day, and the most it will cost you is whatever coin you flip into it.

Pantheon - The oldest intact structure from the ancient world, this domed temple is an absolute must — and absolutely free.

Some other Roman freebies include the Baths of Diocletian, Capitoline Hill, and walking around the exterior of the Colosseum and the Castel Sant’Angelo. Of course the city’s famous squares are also free to hang out in, including the Piazza Navona and Campo De’ Fiori.

What do you need to pay to visit? Several big sights, including:

The Colosseum (interior) - €9
Borghese Museum & Gallery - €8.50
Vatican Museum (and Sistine Chapel) - €13
Capitoline Museum - €6.50

And, as of March 2008, the Roman Forum is charging admission (€10).  Certain all-in-one cards allow discounts to multiple sights (including the Forum), although it’s not quite as well organized as in other cities. For example, the city’s “Archaeologia Card” provides admission to the Colosseum, the Forum, Palatinum and Palatinum Museum, National Roman Museum, Terme Di Caracalla, Cecilia Metella, and Villa dei Quintili. It costs €23.50 for adults. For EU citizens between 18 and 25 years of age, the Archaeologia Card costs just €13.50 and is valid for one week.

While walking to the office this morning, coffee splashing out of our coffee cup sip-top, we started wondering: If we were in London right now, where would we grab a morning cup of joe and how much would it cost?

When last we pounded the pavement researching hotels in London for our guide, we remembered fondly finding respite (and caffeine) in the UK coffee chains (Caffe Nero, Costa Coffee, Coffee Republic, Pret a Manger) and, yes, also in the American chains (Starbucks and McDonald’s).

Setting aside the question of the “best cup of coffee in London,” (another post entirely), where can you find the cheapest cup?

Researching this online was a no-go. Every chain has its own website, of course, but you won’t find any prices listed. This is probably due to fluctuations in pricing throughout the UK — and to prevent pesky investigators from blogging about it. So we went about our research the old fashioned way… we called ‘em on the phone. (Thank you, Vonage.)

Note that coffee prices inside London may vary for the same chain, as well. Thus, we called only coffee outlets in central London, asking for prices for a small latte and for a small Americano (”drip” coffee isn’t widely available). Keep in mind that true sizes may differ from chain to chain — even though they’re all called “small,” one chain may offer more ounces.

We also only inquired about “take away” prices — when we started asking too many questions, baristas and managers got a little nervous.

The results:

Caffe Nero - The Winner!
Small Americano: £1.30 ($2.56)
Small Latte: £1.50 ($2.95)
We spoke to baristas at two central Caffe Nero locations, both near Covent Garden, in order to verify the price. These are nearly New York prices.

Runners Up

Pret a Manger
Small Americano: £1.40 ($2.76)
Small Latte: £1.79 ($3.52)
We’re fans of these cute little outlets. We spoke to a barista at a location on Villiers Street, near the Strand.

McDonald’s
Drip: £1.59/1.99 ($3.13/3.92)
Latte: £1.59/1.99 ($3.13/3.92)
We spoke to a manager (we believe) near a location on the Strand. We asked too many questions and he hung up on us. Interestingly, McDonald’s was the only chain we called that serves drip coffee instead of Americano. Also, they don’t have “small” sizes, only “medium” and “large.” (What, no “supersized”?)

Pricier Coffee Chains

Coffee Republic
Small Americano: £1.69 ($3.32)
Small Latte: £1.89 ($3.72)
We spoke to a friendly barista at a popular location on Tottenham Court Road.

Costa Coffee
Small Americano: £1.70 ($3.35)
Small Latte: £1.95 ($3.84)
A nice guy at the Embankment Place location (near the Strand) offered these rates, although he was curious. “Are you a customer?” he asked us. Of course! (We have enjoyed a Costa cup in the past, after all.)

Starbucks - Most Expensive
Small Americano: £1.75 ($3.45)
Small Latte: £2.05 ($4.04)
The prices were given to us by a barista at a Villiers Street location, near the Strand. This confirmed our suspicions that the Seattle-based chain was, in fact, the priciest coffee-chain cup in town. Or at least, the priciest cup we called.

We didn’t have time to check in on cool independent cafes in London, but that’s another post.

photograph courtesy of Newtonxl at Flickr

We’re big fans of the French TGV rail system. These sleek trains zip throughout the country, transporting passengers comfortably at speeds up to 200 mph. The trains are such a success that short flights between most cities in France don’t make sense — the TGV is faster, and much less of a hassle.

Tickets, however, can be kind of expensive — if you simply show up at the train station and purchase one on the spot for that day. But happily, they can also be a complete steal, and cheaper, in fact, than low-cost flights!

For instance, consider these TGV rates, taken from the website of the SNCF, the French National Railway:

For travel today: A 2nd Class refundable ticket booked today (on their site) for travel today (January 3, 2008) from Paris to Marseille costs €96.

For travel tomorrow: Most of the fares remain the same for travel tomorrow, at €96. However, the TGV offers cheaper Internet-only discount rates on its iDTGV lines (TGV trains outfitted with specially-themed cars for different atmospheres, including a “zen” quiet car!). On the iDTGV line, we found one €69 rate, for a 2nd Class, non-refundable ticket.

For travel next week: Rates start falling, however, when you book a week in advance. For the same Paris-Marseille route, we saw many of the same €96 rates (it is, after all, a Friday), but found more of the cheapies, including several €44.90 tickets, both in 1st and 2nd class (non-refundable)!

For travel next month: If you book even further out, say one month in advance, and travel on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, you could find even cheaper fares. For the same route on February 12, we found €19 2nd class seats, and €24 seats in 1st class!

Please note that these rates were taken from the official website of the SNCF. We found these rates by clicking on the French flag to remain inside the French portion of the site. When you click the US flag, you’re taken to the RailEurope.com website, which is, of course, in English.

We appreciate the service that RailEurope provides and partner with them on Eurail passes in our rail pass guide. The prices quoted, however, on their website for the same trips mentioned above are more expensive than the prices you’ll find on the SNCF site, even after you consider exchange rates.

For example, the cheapest fare we found for the Paris-Marseille route next week was $153 2nd Class, $212 1st Class. Rates for next month are much cheaper, mostly $80, although we found some seats for $41 in 2nd class. We couldn’t find 1st class cheaper than $124.

Some tips for booking a cheap TGV ticket

1) Try booking directly through the SNCF on their website in French. At least give it a shot — you probably won’t have any trouble navigating the site.

2) Book as far in advance as possible.

3) Travel on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, and be flexible with your hours.

4) Consider trying out one of the new iDTGV trains. They’re just as fast, and they’re kind of fun.

5) Do plenty of searches and look at all the times available. You will probably find a wide range of ticket prices.

We hope these thoughts are helpful. Please send us your thoughts, tips, and advice for traveling cheaply by train!

Which European airport guarantees the worst experience? Which has the longest security lines, the craziest gate transfers, or the most disorganized baggage claim? 

We chuckled our way through Elisabeth Rosenthal’s piece in last Friday’s International Herald Tribune in which she gives results of her own unscientific poll. The results:

1) London Heathrow
“Hands down the worst” cited by “100 percent of respondents.” An airport so massive that passengers are forced to sprint between gates, and hampered by an inconvenient one-bag carry-on limit through security.

2) Charles de Gaulle
The Paris airport features “Gaulle-ing conditions,” look-alike terminals, and a confusing layout that makes you feel like you’re “in an Escher print.”

3) Rome Fiumicino and Frankfurt 
Tied for “dishonorable mention,” one featuring “dirty conditions” and the other offering a miles-long “rainbow” subterranean tunnel.

The piece was in response to a new survey of the best airports in the world, put out recently by the air travel research firm Skytrax. To be fair, four European airports (Munich, Zurich, Amsterdam, and Madrid) did make the top ten list.

But that list is hardly as funny.