Photo by Kari Hoerchler

While planning our trip to Croatia, many people expressed their concerns. Why in the world would two young women want to go to a country still recovering from war? We laughed away their fears. Nonetheless, we did come across some dangers in the heart of Hrvatska. Read carefully…

1. Door Jams. Everywhere we went, doors didn’t close properly and some wouldn’t unlock without a struggle. One of us got stuck in a bathroom inside the Dubrovnik Internet Center for a terrifying three minutes.

2. The Tommy Logo You Don’t Know. The trademark for the grocery store chain with branches all over Croatia includes an apple with a face and gloved hands. No arms.

3. Creepy, Crawly Creatures. Brightly colored little animals can pop out from anywhere inside Plitvice National Park. We recommend carrying a camera to document enemy moves.

4. Rocks And Rolling Waves. Unmarked metal stairways lead right into clear waters of the Adriatic along the coast of Croatia. No gates. No security. A silly curvaceous slide, standing 20 feet at its height, was spotted along Lapad Bay, Dubrovnik.

5. The Gardening Old Lady Disguise. Upon spotting our camera, a gardener tending cliffside greenery insisted we take her photograph. As she raised her arms to clear skies above and offered a warm smile, it became apparent she couldn’t be trusted.

6, Here, Drink This. Family vineyard? Shamly shinyard! Without a label, who knows where those grapes grew, pal. Pour me another!

7. Men. In Dubrovnik, they sang to us a cappella. In Korčula, a man tried to get us drunk above his charming jewelry shop. In Split, sportsmen hit us with picigin balls only a day after an intoxicated man at a beachside bar forced us to dance with him to “Light My Fire.” We had to get out before one of us got trapped in paradise in a family way.

Wandering Cheapo Kari Hoerchler is a blogger, budget traveler, and science fiction novelist stationed on Planet Earth. She has recently been spotted on small stages of New York coffeehouses telling tall tales of a tropical island—and future vacation hot spot—in the Bermuda Triangle. Book ahead.

Popularity: 11% [?]